So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
