either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
