It's like God shit irony all over that family
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How does one acquire holy water?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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