Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
