I should be sponsored by Trojan
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
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You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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