names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
