This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
