its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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