whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
