I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
