I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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