How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
