you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
