May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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