she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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