Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
