is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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