so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
