You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
