These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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