I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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