Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
