I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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