i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize