Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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