I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We left the knife in your bed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
