so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am available for nakedness
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
