my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
