I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
