Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
