STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
