really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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