good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
