took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
