I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
