And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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