We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Who did Billy Mays play for?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
