WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
