im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
