Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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