Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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