I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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