Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We need a shit load of segways right now
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
