He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize