how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
