I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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