somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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