my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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