so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
