you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
