Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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