It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
