and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
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They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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