I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
