I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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