i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
