Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sorry about my life...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand