4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY