Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no