Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea