Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you