So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did