i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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