that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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