just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
