We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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