Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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