Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
