she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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