I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
