I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
